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The pleasure of taking it slow

Ebru Keskin

Ebru Keskin

It’s all about the fast pace of life we seek nowadays. Fast is good...when it comes to checkouts and internet then yes fast is definitely the way to go. When it comes to relationships we seem to be following the same pace. Our need to reach the end or have a conclusion and our fear of ‘wasting time’ makes us push forward into relationships and the next step of things too quickly. 

I am guilty of this also. I have always been one to get what and who I wanted as soon as I set my eyes on it or them. Recently I have begun to think perhaps this attitude is ultimately the path to failure, failure to find happiness in another person. Failure to set up solid relationships that are meaningful, worthwhile and fulfilling.

Reflecting on all the times when I felt that thrill and the rush when seeing someone; or the way I felt with just the brush of a hand of that person who you fancy so much. The way my heart skipped a beat when my phone rang or when I received a text. All that has been when I fancied a friend in college and for the longest time I stayed silent about it because I simply couldn’t tell him anything without my heart racing and feeling like I would pass out. A friend of mine was listening to me go on about romance and the fact that I believed in love at first glance. She laughed at this ‘Movie ideal’ notion of romance and said that she didn’t even care  in her feelings were reciprocated all she wanted was to feel her heart beating that fast again and feel the flush of excitement. Just the feeling alone would be enough and that she hadn’t even felt that in her relationships no matter how good they seemed to be on the surface of things.

A while back my friend from Izmir sent me a book in Turkish saying that I would enjoy it. It was a romance set in Istanbul before the Turkish republic. It was a very demure story about two people who very slowly fell in love with each other but could never be together because being together would actually render the reasons for their admiration of one other moot. The man loved that she was loyal and faithful and not like ‘other unfaithful’ women whom he encountered. The woman she fell in love with was indeed married to his friend. The novel went on for the longest time without anything actually ever happening, and for a book that actually finishes without any physical contact I must say it was the most excited I felt reading any kind of interaction between two people. The way the writer wrote the slowly developing feelings and the way the lovers sought the smallest of moments like a sideway glance at each other or a two second look into each other’s eyes. I recall the way I felt turning those pages in frustration hoping that they could just be together finally.

It never happened and as sad as that maybe but it reminded me of how much excitement we miss out on by rushing into everything. The old fashioned way of dating allowed for romance to develop, for sentiments to carry some value and to feel excitement in the beginning. After waiting patiently and developing feelings slowly the relationship feels much more worthy and like a coveted prize which you cherish more. The other plus being that you wouldn’t wake up with so many next days with regrets and would not find yourself in relationships that you hadn’t really thought through.

When it comes to romance and dating the nostalgic approach is perhaps the best way; taking it slow and taking in the pleasure of those feeling that develop slowly.

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