I just found a passage from my diary about a kiss with a guy that I had a crush on for more than a year before I eventually sabotaged his relationship with his crappy girlfriend and got him for myself. They were not a great couple anyway and also there also the was the fact that I wanted him for myself!
It reads ‘fireworks! That’s the only way to describe how it felt when he leaned over, pulled me to him with his hand on my neck and kissed me deep and firm. I felt like almost two years of waiting was totally worth it just for that one moment’ I read that now with such longing, not for that guy who is now history, but for that feeling; the way that that kiss felt and the way that all kisses felt in those ages. I was 17 when I wrote that diary entry.
I recall a time when kissing for hours was the basis of a relationship and the most physical act that took place between a couple. I recall a time when a bad kiss was the deal breaker of a relationship and would mean that you broke up with that person. In some ways I am sure that in the beginning it still is a deal breaker for some people. What surprises me is how many people are tolerating bad kissing techniques in favour of other traits that they are happy with. This trade off is disturbing. I thought that compatibility and deep set love meant that you were attracted to someone because of their scent, the look in their eyes and the kiss sealed the deal but also had to be magical to show ultimate compatibility.
If you read my other columns then you will realise I keep getting stuck on a different matter every week and obsess over it. Recently I have been complaining to my friend that kisses weren’t what they were before. I moan about this and ask if it’s me just getting old or that I am dating the wrong people. I am confused that there seems to a be a distinct lack of fireworks these days. Ever the good girl and reluctant to sully her partner’s good reputation she finally cracks and confides in me in the strictest confidence (oops) that whilst at the beginning she used to love kissing her partner these days she doesn’t find it as head dizzying or even pleasurable at times. I am shocked. Isn’t this a deal breaker? She tells me NO. I just stare into space contemplating my relationship history and wondering if I have too many unrealistic ideals. Then I shake my head. No, I am a romantic. I believe in the fairy tale. After this confession I go on to harass other friends about this issue. I consulted married friends with husbands whom they dearly loved, people with long term girlfriends and partners; every kind of relationship was questioned.
Shockingly, a lot of the time the response is similar. That it’s amazing at first or at least decent enough and with time it becomes sloppy and less of a pleasure. Most responses were that, no they no longer kissed for hours. How could that be? Surely this wasn’t true, surely people didn’t forget about the amazing feeling you get when engrossed in that deep passionate kiss that makes you dizzy and forget where you are for the duration.
I have been fortunate enough to have been within the grasp of the fairy tale several times, mainly losing out on it because I am too much of a free spirit who couldn’t commit to ‘forever’ at the time. I recall one particular first date many years ago when at the end of the night we were so infatuated with one other that we fell through a door as we leaned back on it together and perhaps too carelessly...still makes me laugh the disastrous attempts he had made to kiss me that night and always comically being clumsy and even fell off his chair. Eventually when he did manage to get it right, it so happened to be right in the middle of the road and we were so unaware of where we were for the longest time that a passing police car had to stop to interfere, telling us that perhaps we could take the ‘loving somewhere other than the middle of a cross road’
This is the point isn’t it? A kiss should be so magical, so amazing that you no longer hear any sounds or have any awareness of anyone else. I think people forget that after a while and don’t take the time to enjoy the long lingering kisses. So next time you are with your partner, take everything else off the agenda for once and only stick to good old kissing for one night.